Packages: The Wonderful & The Necessary

On Wednesday night after my surgery my wonderful neighbors brought me a gift basket full of wonderful things. It was basket of sunshine. It made me feel so much better about all that is going on. I try to be positive...but let's face it...some days are just rough.

On Thursday we received a very necessary package, all the medicine we would need for the rest of our IVF process. Up until Friday morning the only pills I had been on was a prenatal vitamin and a birth control pill. All that changed Friday morning. We are officially in phase 2. Now Devan and I both take strong antibiotic twice a day (I call them Blue Devil Pills because they make us feel like crap.) I also get a Lupron shot every morning and then finish my day with a prenatal vital, birth control pill and a baby aspirin.

I'm Out & Doing Great

I'm home and doing wonderfully. I went in around 11:00 and they started my IV. After that it only took a few minutes and then I was out like a light. I came to and they moved me to the recovery room where Devan was able to come in a wait with me. Here I am right before we went in.

This is me in recovery. In all fairness I thought I was smiling. Funny Moment of the Day: I was joking around with my sister-in-laws about how when the Dr was all done, my uterus would be spik-an-span clean and ready to go. Apparently, right after the surgery was done and I was just waking up I said to the doctor "did you give my uterus a good shellacking." Yup...I said SHELLACKING. Classy Ginny, real classy.

We're On Like Donkey Kong

Tomorrow, Wednesday, is the date for my Hysteroscopy. I go in at 10:30 and we start the procedure at 11:00. I'm fully expecting it to go fine and then heading home only to sleep the day away. If your all lucky I will write a post tomorrow in a half drugged state that doesn't make any sense at all. Keep your fingers crossed..not for the surgery, but for the delirious post :)

Not How I Thought It Would Go

Yesterday I had a water ultrasound. Here is how that works...prepare yourself...I'm going to mention lady parts :) I went to the fertility clinic at 2:00. They call me back and then say those words that I've heard way too often from a doctors office: "Go ahead and get undressed from the waist down." They plop me up on the examination table and go forward with what is lot like pap smear. Once I was ready they place a catheter in to my cervix. Next goes the ultrasound wand...that's right...the wand. I bet most all of you have only ever had an ultrasound on the outside of your body...well let me tell you...you are missing out if you don't get to know your ultrasound wand...intimately. Once every instrument in the whole office is up inside me (that might not be true, but it sure feels that way) we are good to go. The assistant pushes down on the plunger that's attached to the catheter and fills up my uterus with water...essentially inflating it. What you want to see is big black void with nice, smooth edges. That means you have a wonderful uterus that is ready for an embryo. Well...that isn't what happened when we took a peek at mine. I have polyps inside my uterus. This means that sometime this coming week, either Monday or Tuesday, I will need to have a Hysteroscopy. It is a minor procedure that requires me to be under sedation. Once I'm out they go up in there and cut them out. Luckily I'm only out of commission for a day. This could be another reason why I have been unable to get pregnant or maintain a pregnancy. Dr. Foulk said that polyps can often times act like an IUD. They prohibit embryos from implanting. Luckily, this doesn't delay our IVF process. Well, that's it. I have polyps.

Staying Afloat: How I found inspiration in a stupid BALLOON

My birthday was April 16th. That was just over 2 months ago. This year my co-workers decided to get me balloons for my birthday. They are just normal, every day, latex balloons with some HiFloat in them. I think I received a total of 5 balloons. One by one they have slowly died. They have lost their air, deflated and fell to the ground only to be thrown away. However, amongst all this sadness and deflating one balloon has managed to stay afloat. Granted, it’s a bit worse for wear and at times looks a bit droopy. There are cracks and stretches in it…but…it has managed to stay up these last 2 months. Here is my inspirational thought… “If a stupid balloon can last 2 months then damn it, so can I.” Today I was on the phone with Tonya (remember her, she’s our IVF coordinator.) We were trying to decide what form of progesterone I was going to take after the embryos are transferred back in. I said “Okay, lets to the oil injections and suppositories and then if I get pregnant we will consider switching to something more expensive and less evasive.” She piped in mid-sentence and said “no, no ,no…you mean ‘when’ you get pregnant.” I need to try to be more positive and tell myself that it will work. With previous procedures I have tried to not get my hopes up…but who’s kidding who?!? Those hopes go up no matter what. I just need to stop fighting it.

Darn You Hollywood

Let me clear something up before I get into my rant about how Hollywood has single handedly ruined fertility treatments. If you want to ask me a question about IVF, please free to do so. In my last post I explained that one of my reasons for doing it was to filter out some questions. If you want to ask me something...bring it on :) Now, back to my ranting. I honestly believe that Hollywood and the media has somehow glorified IVF. IVF is not fantastic, its not awesome, its not exciting. What it is - it's heartbreaking, it's full of stress & anxiety, it empties our pockets, and it scares us to death. It is amazing that science and technology might be able to help us get pregnant...but what if it doesn't work? There are not a lot of things that can get me all riled up...but it's safe to say that right now I am a giant stress ball of a nervous wreck. Let's just say that my stress levels have caused a rash and a couple of canker sores. I think there is a general misconception that if you do IVF you are going to get pregnant. That couldn't be farther from the truth. There are a lot of things that could go wrong. Devan and I have been through a couple of difficult situations in our adults lives, and I can honestly say that our infertility is the most difficult trial we have ever faced. It has rattled our faith and caused many sleepless nights...which is why I'm confused at to why we would be congratulated. I can feel this getting long...I think I'll stop now. On a lighter note...we got a new lawn mower. Last week it took Devan and I 2 hours and roughly 34 "bag dumps". This week....30 minutes and about 6 dumps. WOOHOO!!!!!!!! Isn't it cute :)

IVF, Here We Go

Alright, let's do this. It's time to put our money where our mouth is. It's time to start - (cue dramatic music) - In Vitro Fertilization, commonly known as IVF. For some reason, known only to the cosmos, Devan and I have decided to journal this experience on our blog. We have a couple of reasons for doing so. The first is purely selfish on our part. I figured that if I wrote down in my blog things like how I was feeling and how everything was going I was get less questions in real life. (See, I told you it was purely selfish.) Another reason is because I think people in general are curious about the process but might be embarrassed to ask. Finally, I thought this might be a great learning experience for those of you out there. IVF is a mystical and confusing procedure that most people know nothing about. Warning, I'm not going to sensor myself very much. I'm going to put it all out there. I'm expecting a few days of joy but mostly days of sadness, anxiety, pain and probably even a little bit of anger. I'm going to skip the background to how we even got here. Let's just say that after many years, a miscarriage, and 5 failed IUI's we find ourselves looking the IVF monster straight in the face. ***Side Note - When I use medical terms that I think the general public might not know I will try to put it in the form of link leading you to a website that will explain it. See how I did that for IUI. Pretty neat, huh.*** We had our first consult with the IVF coordinator on Thursday. The whole appointment took about an hour. She helped answer the questions we had about the procedure, which were many, and got us on a schedule for IVF. As of right now we are on track to have eggs harvested (by the way, I HATE HATE HATE that term) and then embryos planted back in at the end of July. That of course, is if everything up until that point checks out okay. Tonya, our lovely IVF coordinator, went and printed out our medicine, injection and appointment calendar for the next two months. I looked at June and thought "ok, this looks totally easy." Not too bad right. Seems pretty empty for the most part. Then she handed me the July calendar. I thought "Holy Crap, that's a lot." See for yourself. For the next couple of weeks the only pills I have to take are a prenatal vitamin and birth control. I know it might seem a bit counter productive to take birth control, but it's an important step. It helps the Dr control my body. If they can control my body then they know exactly what is (or in this case isn't) happening..which is NOT ovulating. Think of it like the control in any experiment. After our appointment Devan and I were talking about how weird it will be to take birth control. I haven't been on birth control pills since we got married. At one point Devan said to me "man, it will be nice to not have to worry about getting you knocked up." We both laughed. It's good to laugh during stuff like this. Thats about all I have to write about today. I'm going to leave you with a quote from Tonya (IVF lady). When asking her about the discomfort associated with IVF she said this..."Your ovaries are normally the size of a walnut, we are going to make them the size of a tangerine or a small orange. It will feel like the worst period of life." Awesome...isn't it :)