When Things Go Wrong

Sometimes it feels like the heavens have opened up and unloaded a steaming pile of crap on me. So while I'm pretty sure that 4 of the 5 people who might actually read my blog knows what's going down...here is a summary of events. About a month ago Devan and I found out that I was pregnant. We have been trying to have a baby for close to 4 years now and were recently told that our chances of ever getting pregnant naturally was most likely never going to happen. It seemed as if our time for expanding our family had finally come. Our prayers had been answered!!! Then just over a week ago I started bleeding...one thing leads to another...and poof...I'm no longer pregnant. I feel as if the one thing I have wanted more than anything else in this world was dangled in front of my face and then ripped away from me. Devan keeps reminding me that "at least we got pregnant", and no matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn't make me feel any better.

So...that's where we sit now. I go back to work tomorrow and pretend as if one of the best things that has ever happened to me never did. If there is one thing I have learned over the last couple of years it's that time moves forward no matter what is thrown at us. All I can do is deal with it. I'm thankful for the wonderful family and friends that have been there for us during this rough time.

Oh, by the way...at one point this past week I was sitting at home in a considerable amount of pain relying on my Ibuprofen to take the edge off. I wanted to take even half of one of Devan pain pills from his surgery last year but couldn't...because someone has STOLEN THEM. Lovely, isn't it?

I realize this isn't the most pleasant of posts and I'm sorry for that. It is hard to be happy right now. But I really am incredibly thankful for everyone who has been there for me this past week. I have been blessed with prayers, fasts, flowers, lunches, dinners, gift cards, hugs and even entertainment. I know things will get better and that I will not be quite so bitter and angry as the days pass.

Devan says I should end on a good note and that I should tell everyone that he got a chainsaw. He is super excited about it. It's a Husqvarna. I like how boys in general have to make such serious faces when they have pictures taken with either guns or anything that has an engine.