In Loving Memory

Most anyone who actually views my blog knows by now that my sweet brother Charlie passed away on Sunday, July 27th. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to write because this all seems so surreal to me. So far this week I've had to help my parents pick out Charlie's casket, grave plot, and even the cloths he will be buried in. "Did I really just help decide what songs we will be singing at my brother's funeral?" This is the type of question I keep asking myself. I would explain what we have doing day to day except there seems to be no such thing as time lately. Sunday was honestly the longest day of my entire life. I got the ever dreaded phone call at 6:15 in the morning. "Hello?"..."Hi"..."How are you,,,sleepy?"..."Ya"..."I've got some bad news"..."Oh"..."Charlie killed myself last night"..."What???". My heart was racing, I can remember thinking that my heart would pound out of my chest. I couldn't control my breath. I remember whispering to Devan "Charlie killed himself." Even three days later I still can't believe it has happened. I'm hoping it will all sink in a little bit tomorrow; that is the when my mom, dad and myself all go to the mortuary as a family to view him. I'm torn as to if I want see him, if I want to hold him. Who knows, maybe I will just sit there and scream at him to wake up.
Charlie had dealt with depression most of his teenage and adult life. It is unfortunately something that runs on my mom's side of the family. Much like her dad, Charlie became very angry when he drank. Saturday night he took a lethal combination of alcohol and other controlled substances. I know in my heart that he had not contemplated suicide before he fatally pulled the trigger. We had talked about it in the pass and he always said that he would never do it because he loved his son so much. He didn't leave a note...he never said goodbye...he just left us. My heart breaks to think that he was home alone, sitting in the corner of his bedroom, thinking that the only way out of the situation he was in was to end his life.
One of the only things keeping everything "real" is his son Mason. One can't be too sad all the time when a two year is hurling Mr. Potato head around the room and pretending he is a tickle monster. Yet, I look at him and all the things he will do in his and know that his dad will not be at his side...physically. Tonight I had to email a picture of Charlie to the mortuary and the second it popped up onto the screen Mason said "DADDY." My heart broke. He was such a daddy's boy.
One thing that still seems amazing to me is the outpouring of love that our family has received. We never knew we had this many friends. The cards, phone calls, and visits are so appreciated. It's a little easier to get through the minutes when we are not alone.
Devan and his parents fly in tomorrow and I can't wait to see them. I need Devan so much right now. I need him to help me endure the greatest trial of my life so far. I'm thankful for the gospel. It is the light at the end of tunnel to know that I will once again see my dear brother again.
This was the last picture I took with my brother...If I had only known I would have taken so many more.

I LOVE YOU CHUCKLES!!!

Everything Lately

First and foremost, the rocket went off without a hitch. We decided to light it off over on the west side of Utah lake by Carrie Lyn & Jeff's house. The most important thing about the entire rocket situation is that we can use it again next year. I know what you're think...WWWHHHAAATTT...use a rocket 2 years in a row. Beautifully enough, the rocket only incurred small damages that were easy to fix.

Earlier that morning we had the usual easter egg hunt at Garald and Nyla's. I've decided that it is quite profitable to help stuff the eggs before the actual hunt because then you can just take the candy you want without all of the "go and find it" fluff.

After the candy eating and rocket launching we went to go shoot things. Have you ever thought to yourself what it might look like if you shot a TV with a .257? Well, you are in luck...I have pictures.

Shooting also gave me some extra practice shooting my hand gun. I am the proud mama of a .32 beretta. I just turned in my papers 2 weeks ago to get my concealed weapons permit. However, the BCI is at a 60 day turn around time. I won't be able to carry until June.

All in all, it was a fantastic day. I have a lot of photos from that day posted on my flickr account. The link to that can be on the left side of my blog.

The Rocket

The last couple of years, we started a family tradition of making rockets and lighting them off during the family easter egg hunt. Our previous rockets varied from four to twelve inches high. This year Devan decided to take it to a whole other level. Our rocket this year stands 4 feet tall and 4 1/2 inches in diameter. It rockets to an impressive 3,500 feet up in the air.
We will be lighting it off this Saturday in Draper...hopefully. The weather conditions will have to be perfect, i.e. no wind, and no low cloud cover. We also will probably try and go to a park to light it off. If something were to go wrong and the chute were to not open...lets just say...I hope it doesn't land on someones car, face, or little dog.
I will let you all know how it goes next week. Wish us luck and clear skies!!!

5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Can you believe that Devan and I have been married for 5 years. It really has gone by very fast. This year was my turn to plan our anniversary. (We trade off every year. After all, why should the guy always have to come up with something.) I decided we were going to spend it in style. Friday morning we left for Viva Las Vegas. 6 hours later we arrived at our destination...the Planet Hollywood Casino & Hotel.

This is a picture of our room. It was so nice. It had a flat screen TV, a soft king size bed, a tub big enough for 2, and partial view of the fountains in front of the Bellagio. And the best part...wait for it...wait for it...it only $149. And that was on a Friday night. I know...AMAZING.

After checking in we went over to the Bellagio to see "O" The show was incredible. The next morning we went shopping down in Primm, Nevada (great outlet malls.) That night we hung out and stayed with our Friends Jesse and Lindsey who live in Las Vegas. It was great to see them again. This is us waiting outside their house for them.

It was really great to see them again. We haven't been able to make it down there for a couple of years...and every time we leave we wonder why we waited so long. Jesse and Lindsey are so fun to hang out with. Their little boy, Corbin, is almost one and one of the cutest kids I have ever seen. I wish I had taken a picture of him to show you.
The next morning we woke up and drove the 6 hours back home. We were sad to leave our friends but glad to be heading back to our own house with our own bed. That's the best part about vacations...coming back home :)
My present for our anniversary was to add an extra band on my wedding ring. Here is a picture of it. I LOVE IT!!!

That just about sums up my last weekend. We had a WHITE OUT BLIZZARD last night...so scary. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 40 degrees and sunny...aahhh...Utah.

Sorry It's Been A While

First and most important...I cut my hair. I love it...plus I love the fact that I was able to donate it. Next...I've lost about 8 pounds by eating healthier. Who doesn't enjoy looking better and feeling healthier??? I don't have much time to type right now, so I will leave you with a picture of my office. We had to submit a picture for our yearly meeting...they would let us use this. Freakin' ridiculous. It took a long time to do...and it is awesome. Oh well. Here it is...LOVE YOU ALL!!!